Polk Salad DD

If We Make It Through December
ev'rything's gonna be alright I know
It's the coldest time of winter
and I shiver when I see the falling snow

If We Make It Through December
Got plans to be a warmer town come summer time
Maybe even California
If We Make It Through December we'll be fine

Got laid off down at the fact'ry
And their timing's not the greatest in the world
Heaven knows I been working hard
wanted Christmas to be right for daddy's girl

I don't mean to hate December
It's meant to be the happy time of year
And my little girl don't understand
why daddy can't afford no Christmas here

"If We Make it Through December" - Merle Haggard


Life on a budget.....it ain't for sissies, folks! Yes, we're on a strict budget. We have been on this budget for like 375 years already!!! Seriously - not a joke. On the 1/2 full side, I will say that we are no worse off than the year I was RAKING IN THE DOUGH while staffing a large call center somewhere in the world that may have had something to do with some vicious, nameless hurricane. That was a great year! So is this. Because, even though I'm not theoretically employed, I can stretch a buck! Likewise, when I have it, I sure can spend it. Granted, it's been a rough year. Losing a child is emotionally devastating....and EXPENSIVE to boot. Also, the cost of having cancer is roughly quadruple the national deficit. If I actually had all of the money I owe to various hospitals, clinics, doctors who I never heard of but who apparently are entitled to thousands of dollars for telling some nurse to give me a Tylenol, etc....I could buy Dubai, or at least a new car. So, pray tell, what strategies does one employ to remain solvent in such difficult times? Easy-peasy! Here is my official idiot's guide to saving a buck.

Everything ends in salad. Chicken today - chicken salad tomorrow. Tuna today - tuna salad tomorrow. Eggs today....got the rhythm? Word to yo mother, beware the fish salad. I don't know what I did wrong, but it wasn't my finest moment. Virtually EVERYTHING, though, can be made into some type of edible salad something or other. All it takes is mayo and relish....apples and walnuts if there's company coming. It's delicious, too, except Kevin never seems to be around on salad nights? What's up with that? That, and we are all a little skinnier, but there's absolutely NO correlation! (OK - I'll come clean. Kitty ate the fish salad, which led to the blog about cat S*&$)

Show me a mom with an extra 5 bucks and I'll show you a modern day Madame Curie! Where is that Coach that taught chemistry now, huh? Tell me I'm "chemically challenged" will ya! My lab is my bathroom - sometimes even the laundry room. A dab of this, a squirt of that.....al la peanut butter sandwiches, and....POOF! Got 57 body washes hanging around with about 2 Tsp of lather left in the bottom. No problemo! Grab the funnel out of the Hubs "man space" and get ta mixin'. So what if we bathe in gray lather and smell a little bit like cumin all the time? Who cares if we washed our clothes in the last of the Palmolive this week? Out of Burberry? Just dab some Downy behind each ear. Angelina wore Billy Bob's blood around her neck for years - just make mine Snuggle. Think out of the box people!

Forget location, the key to cheap life is logistics, logistics, logistics! I route plan. I don't make willy-nilly trips all over town....I ration my gas! Seriously, Kevin needed a haircut for like 2 months one time, but I wouldn't let him go until my library books were due - same side of town = same day of errands. Similarly, you can forget the health club membership. I'll just put my doggies on the pavement. I was driving across town to walk on the middle school track. Too far. Then, I was driving everyday to the new park. Closer, but no cigar. Now, I just walk right out my front door and hoof it from here. Sooner or later you may catch me walking in place in the dining room! Think you need a weight machine? A weenie dog weighs about 15 lbs. Just hold one doggy under each arm....and squat (and up), and squat (and up). Piece of cake! I even have Opie the pug doing yoga with me. He's very mellow....talk about downward facing dogs, though (you so saw that one coming).

When life gives you a lemon.....make a lemon salad!