Hey, Doc, Buy Me a Drink Before You Do That!

Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime
His sister had another one, she paid it for a lime.
She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up
She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up
She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up
She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up,

And said, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take,
I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?
I say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take,
I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"
"Now let me get this straight ",

Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you called your doctor, woke him up,

And say, 'Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take,
I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?
I say, Doctor, doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take,
I say, Doctor, dooooctor, to relieve this belly ache?'

Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both together,
Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better,
Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up,
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning

"Coconut" - Harry Nillson


Boobdate! I know you've all been on pins and needles lately, wanting to see how things were going. Well, here's the deal: it's been worse, but I sure hope it gets better! Here's the Reader's Digest version:

Went to the Doctor. I said, "Doctor, help me." He said, "Here, let me lance your boob open and re-stitch it." Apparently (though this is purely hearsay as I was running a high fever and don't recall this moment), I said, "Sure, that sounds great!" At this time, he lanced, pushed, drained, stitched, gauzed, and taped - and proclaimed me cured, at least until such a time when he could remove the stitches.

10 days later....

Went back to the Doctor. I said,"Doctor, help me." He said, "Yikes - you again with the boob." He looks. He says, "I see you're still all about collecting the fluid in the boob. What is your obsession with collecting fluid?" I said, "Dude, tell me about it. I used to collect old buttons and music boxes. Now it's boob fluid. I need an intervention." He said, "Here, let me do another surgery on the boob. I have THE BEST idea! We'll put in a new implant and we'll scrape all around the old incision. Then...and this is the best part....we'll send you home with a drain hanging out of the side of your body so that you can squirt out the blood and fluids and measure them at various points during the day." Apparently (again, I was ravaged by pain and don't actually recall vocalizing these words), I said, "Sure, that sounds great!"

2 days later...

I will never feel the same about the word "scrape". It is a vile, evil word! No matter what I wear, it looks like I have a gigantic worm living under my right arm. I have just now managed to negotiate the stairs without extreme nausea, dark spots in front of my eyes, and a funny buzzing sound in my head. I have eaten one bowl of soup, 2 jello cups, and a bowl of ice cream in the last 4 days. I think my shoulder is dislocated and I'm seriously wondering if perhaps my mother is right - I guess, on occasion, they do drop people on the floor of the OR when they're trying to move them back into the bed...hmmm?

Anywho, here's to hoping, right? Here's to hoping that I end up with pretty boobies once and for all. Here's to hoping that Kevin wasn't really that upset after losing his appetite for breakfast today when it took me 1 1/2 hours to get ready! (I was hurrying! It's tough when you can only take 3 inch steps!) Here's to hoping that all of this medicine will kick in by Tuesday so I can go back to work. Here's to hoping that this chapter of my life (I am tentatively titling it "I Drove My Chevy to the Levy, but My Daughter was Gone and I Had Cancer")can be officially closed. Here's to hoping that I will have the strength and the willingness to move on. In the face of adversity. In the face of good things. In the face of bad things. Just, in the face, I guess.