Anything but the Argentinian Tango, please

Oh very young, what will you leave us this time
There'll never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see a better day
Will you carry the words of love with you
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven
And though you want to last forever
You know you never will
You know you never will
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still.

"Oh Very Young" - Cat Stevens


There are days, and then there are days. And then, my friends, there are days. I wonder, do hearts break because the mind says it must be so - or does the heart break of it's own accord, & the mind comes tumbling after... like a nursery rhyme? I guess it doesn't really matter. The brain and the heart go hand in hand. I think they take turns leading like two little girls trying to dance together. Maybe my brain accidentally stepped on my heart's toes?

I woke up today and it was raining. I was so happy! The gift of time is a wonderful thing - no rushing, no mayhem, no foolishness - just time today. Time for me. Time for some good nesting. Time for coffee & deep breaths. Time for making biscuits from scratch, drizzled with real butter and honey. Time to think. It's that thinking part that gets me every time.

Do you lie? Ever? Even to yourself? I do. I tell myself that I don't miss her all that much. I tell myself that she's better off where she is - without me. I busy myself with this day and the next one, and the next - until weeks, until months, until years have flown by insignificantly. I tell myself that the world is still an important place, without her. And, then I remember. It's time to think about today. It's time to think about her. The world is not a better place without her. I think, now, for once, that this is not ok. Or fair. Or anything. And, I realize, today is a 12th. Any day that's a 12th is a bad day - it's her day. Her 17th month day. I think she wants me to miss her today - and I do. Brain - it's time for you to lead us off this 12th day dance floor, please. Anyway, I think my heart has two left feet.