The Doodle That Can't Be Undid

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I will keep myself
I would find a way

"Hurt" - Johnny Cash

Dear God, what has become of me???? I started a new job, that's what! I cannot blog about it. I read Dooce's blog and blogging about work was the ruination of her, so I learned her lesson. Still, going back to work is not without it's challenges, esp after you've been sitting around on your cancerous, grieving, non-working a-hole for over a year. But, that will have to wait, partially because I stumbled upon the WORLD'S GREATEST JOB & THE WORLD'S GREATEST BOSSES (sorry Ron - you are still world's greatest boss 1B & only because you're so darn far away!!!!!!)....and partially because I owe you all an update.

I've never blogged about the nitty gritty cancer stuff. I can't really do that now, since I don't have "the cancer" anymore. Not that I know of, anyway. I think it's hilarious when people ask me if I'm "cancer free".....my normal response? "I don't know, are you?" C'mon! I didn't know I had cancer before. I don't think I still have it, but then again, how does one know for sure? It's not like I can Juno my way down to Food Fast with a gallon of Sunny D and ask Rain for a EPT Home Cancer Test. Anyway, I digress. I am having some complications. Negligible? Life threatening? Don't know yet. Probably somewhere in the middle. Inquiring minds wanna know, you say? OK...but don't say I didn't warn you. I have had a little issue for 48 hours. At times I think it's nothing at all. Then, I get an overwhelming urge to "Google" necrosis of the boobie. Then, I go vomit. My third eye (blind) tells me it's somewhere in between the two extremes....

There's a hole on a bump on a log in the bottom of the sea? Actually, there's a hole in the 6 week old incision in the fold of my right boobie that seems to be leaking some sort of yellow(ish)fluid onto my stomach. Gross. Gag. I just threw up in my mouth a little. Did you? Seriously, it was fine 2 days ago. Every night I take a bath (whether I need it or not). Every night I look at my incredibly beautiful new boobies as I exit the tub. Every night I affectionately dip my index finger into the tube o' Mederma (as directed by my physician), pick up the so darn cute little 34D appendage, and apply briskly by rubbing into said scar for approx 15 seconds. Works like a charm....until 48 hours ago when I noticed something dripping down my tummy. Lift boob. See scar. Notice scar is double the size of the other one. Notice tiny pinhead hole in center of formerly healed incision. Freak out. Cry. Scream. Writhe on the floor like a fish. Throw a tantrum. Call Dr. Rico Suave. Cry some more.

Do me a favor. DO NOT Google necrosis and breast in the same sentence. You don't want to go there. Who cares, right? Dr. McHottie is meeting me at the hospital on Monday morning. He didn't seem overly concerned when he told me to pack 'er up with antibiotic ointment and gauze and avoid water. His voice wasn't shaking when he suggested I monitor my temperature and try not to exert myself for the weekend. Then again, he didn't offer to call my awesome bosses for me, either. Nope - had to do that one all by myself! "Hey, awesome bosses! I know I've only been working for you for one week, but would you mind if I took the morning off to let my doctor plug the hole in my dam???" So to speak?

On the upside....my husband actually suggested that I start looking for a new car!!! Hmmmm....leaky boobie, new car. I guess I drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy wasn't quite dry????