What do you mean "where's the plunger"?????

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

"Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croce

Never say never - that is the moral of today's story, kids. Gather the elders around the radio, it's time for my modern day fable. Forget Aesop for I have pearls of wisdom the likes of which you've never seen. I've been thinking some really deep thoughts lately. I don't know if it's because of all I've been through lately or just because (gulp) I'm actually (MAYBE) a tad bit older than the 38 years I've declared. Whatever it is, the result, lately, has lent me a very introspective and contemplative period. My husband, Kevin, seems to have joined me on this journey, and, for once, we were in complete and total agreement on what we now realize is our hardest adjustment. After last night, however, I wonder if he would still agree!

We took a mini-vacay last weekend. Couldn't afford Hawaii. Didn't have enough time for a week in the Congo. Too scared of the flu to venture into Mexico. Goldilocks that I am, I announced that Houston/Galveston would be..."just right". So, away we went! I've said many times lately that Galveston and I are just alike: beat up, past our prime, sort of pitiful right now, but still so full of promise and potential! It was a great get-a-way. There was relaxation. There was warm sun and cool water. There were mimosas on the beach! And.....there were some tears. One morning, while Kevin and I stood in the bathroom brushing our teeth, I realized that we were both crying. After we rinsed, Kev gently wrapped his arms around me, pulled me close, and whispered through his tears how much he wished Chynna were with us that day. Of course, that's all it takes to turn me into blubbering jello (I so love my husband, though! This really happened and it makes me so grateful to have someone who would cry with me while brushing his teeth!). This led to a rousing round of "Chynna stories" (lots of..."remember the time..." tales), which led to more tears, which led to Kevin's confession. He told me that what is missing from our life, what he actually misses THE MOST, what he wishes could change.....we've lost all our crazy chaos!

Allow me to paint a picture of my pre-tragedy, pre-cancer life....I'm driving home. It's an hour past when I promised I would leave work to come home. My phone rings every 30 seconds, equal parts people from work that needed me to stay 2 hours past and kids who needed me home 2 hours early. Once I do reach my destination, I fear I will have at least an hour of errand running. I know of one past due school project that a certain someone chose to spring on me that day - which means there are probably several such assignments. I'm out of groceries. I have no idea what I'm making for dinner. I've heard a rumor that at least 2 extra wayward teens are treating my house as a hostel - and they're hungry, too! When I finally get home, the noise level is hurting my ears. There's Texas Country music blaring from the driveway, Young Jeezy or the Ying Yang Twins are telling me how they like to mistreat their ho's from the bathroom, and Kevin has inevitably decided to class us out with some Beethoven in the kitchen. Every TV is on - and on a different channel. The clean house fairies did not visit me that day. No one has any clean uniforms to wear to school, though it will be several more hours before I realize this fact. There is dog poop in the living room. The cat is regurgitating a fur ball at my feet. I feel as though I am dragging a child on each arm and leg as I move through the entry way, slogging through the slush and gunk of my life. And, I loved it. And, I need it back. And, we miss it so very dearly.

Back to our touching moment on vacation.....I tell Kevin that I miss all that chaos, too! I tell him that the first step to fixing a problem is identifying it! I tell him that this is an easy fix! What did I do? I picked up the phone and made 3 phone calls to my 3 boys and said these magic words: "Hey guys, I'm making enchiladas on Wednesday night." Now it is Thursday morning. In the last 12 hours I've done 7 loads of laundry. The dishwasher ran two cycles already and the 3rd one has already commenced collecting. Lucy turned over her dog food bowl 3 times. There was a strange boy in the downstairs bathroom at 10:30pm last night and he needed a plunger (ok, it was just Wingo and he's not that strange). No one but me slept in the right bed. It was complete and unadulterated utter chaos. We loved it! We needed it! We dove into it and rolled around in it! It was imperfect - there was no rap music, no Chynna arguing with Daniel over nothing more that her need to make him furious, no Douglas telling me what an amazing cook I am, no daughter to wake me up at midnight to tell me she needs one more piece of poster board from WalMart..... But, it was as close to perfect as we are going to be able to get at this point in time. So, I cherish these moments. Chynna, I so know that you were smiling down at me last night. We feel you in our midst at every family dinner, every movie night, every soccer game, every everything. I promise to keep making enchiladas - I know that you're enjoying this, too.