Pink Rooms

At first, I thought I was dreaming. You know how sometimes in a dream you're standing in a strange house - strange to you but not to the you that's in the dream? You've never seen this place before, but in your dream it's your home and the dream you seems completely at ease in this pseudo home. That's how it was here at first. The grass is so green that it looks fake. It's St. Augustine, I think. I was never good with botany or horticulture or whatever you call plant stuff. My Dad would know. He loves St. Augustine grass. He tried to grow it at every house we ever lived in. It feels good on the bottom of my feet. I can go barefooted here all the time. It's beautiful here. The sun is always out. It feels so good on my skin. The water is clear. I tell everyone it looks like Lake Fork. I think it might be Lake Fork. Maybe....

Hey, I have a dog now! That's how it happens here. I could see the dog coming toward me for days. I thought he would never get here. It happens the same way with people. They walk toward you for eternity. Just when you decide they will never get any closer, you turn around and they're right in front of your face! It's hilarious...and tough, too. It's hard to tell who anyone is! You get to be whichever "you" you want to be. Right now I'm 5 year old me. I'm wearing my "Miss Otis" costume from my dance recital. It's a blue dress with polka-dots and an amazing petticoat. I will probably wear something else tomorrow, though. Most of the time I like wearing pj's. I guess some things never change! Anyway, it took me forever to figure out that the lady in the horn-rimmed glasses was Maw-Maw! My memory was fuzzy for the longest time. Plus, she chose a suit from the 30's or 40's, sort of like something that Lucy and Ethel would wear to go play bridge! It's adorable, especially when she wears the gloves and the little hat. I think she chose that because her baby is here....her baby Shirley. Babies have trouble recognizing people. They didn't get enough time to soak things in down there. It happened to me a little, too. Anyway, my dog's name is Shelby. He was Dillan's dog. I could change his name. I could even call him Berk if I wanted. I don't want to, though. I think about Dillan all the time. And Daniel. And Doug. And everyone. I think Shelby misses my Mom. I miss my Mom. I miss Daddy & Penney. I even miss Kevin, in spite of the fact that he drove me crazy!

They tell me that you can see all the way down after a while. It happened to me for the first time the other day. I say "the other day" cause I don't know how else to explain it. There really isn't a day or a time passage or anything like that. It always just is. Anyhow, I had gotten to the point where I could see rooftops. It's so difficult to master. We don't get headaches, but if we could, they'd be migraines! You have to concentrate so hard to see the roofs. Finally, the roof moved and I could see people! I was so busy doing my celebration dance that I didn't realize it was someone else's roof! I don't even think I was in the right country. But, then I found her. She was in the wrong house. I guess they moved. We can't see faces, just their auras or their energies or something. I don't really understand everything yet. But, I definitely saw her. She was crying, I think. I don't really feel sad anymore, but I didn't feel as "me" as I normally feel here. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to tell her not to cry. I wanted to explain to her that I know how much she wants me back, but we can't come back. At first I wanted to, but now I don't. I wouldn't come back even if I could. I like it here. I have an amazing house. I have Shelbs. I have a family here, with all my grandparents and even Doug's grandpa. I hope she knows that I will always love her. I'm here because of her and my Dad. I'm saving my Mom a room in my house. I painted it pink. I'll be here when you get here, Momma. Look for my petticoat and just keep walking.