Bag-o-rama

Come here sister.....Papa's in the swing
He ain't too hip...about that new breed thing
He ain't no drag
Papa's got a brand new bag

Come here mama....and dig this crazy scene
He's not too fancy....but his mind is might clean
He ain't no drag.
Papa's got a brand new bag

"Papa's Got a Brand New Bag" -James Brown

Okay....I'll admit it! I've sucked massive amounts of wind, lately, as a blog author. I'm worse than Stephen King's review of Stephenie Meyer (who I actually like - a whole bunch, Mr. King!). I'm worse than the author who came to old recruiter Dina looking for a job and brought along the "book" he just published (he also did the illustrations, if that gives you any idea. I am saving that book. Not necessarily because I think it's going to be a big hit one day, but you remember how the media hounded that entire town after the unibomber was discovered? Some hot shot news persona might want to interview me if this dude who wrote the book is ever discovered to be a serial killer! I refuse to miss out on my 15 minutes of fame!). Anyway, I'm back (guess who's back?). Tell a friend. Shady's back...

I have to ease into this writing thing now. It is like riding a bicycle, true, but my bicycle right now looks like the one Pee Wee lost in his big adventure. You know, the one where he figured out that the Alamo doesn't have a basement? So...hang onto your girlie bicycle basket! I'm going to blog in list format today.

I had a fantastic weekend. Lots of football, courtesy of the world's greatest 9 year old phenom, Carter Moon. Did mucho, mucho house cleaning, too. Used enough WalMart sacks to possibly - if they could all be adhered to each other - make sails for both the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. Which leads me to my blog topic. One can do amazing things with a WalMart sack! Yes, I know, I know, we should bring our own bags (& I do), but still, the little plastic sacks are like ants...they creep into your house in the night and multiply! Here's a master list of things I did with a WalMart sack in the last month. Enjoy - feel free to comment on some other grand WalMart sack escapades!

1. Rain bonnet - because I can NEVER find that umbrella & the disco fro must be restrained!
2. Galoshes - because no one wants to step in soggy dog poo when you're walking dogs at work!
3. Great place to hold the cat litter clumps hostage
4. Bathroom trashcan liner (my bathroom trashcans are somehow little hostels for spit cups??)
5. Master holder for other WalMart sacks
6. Car trash bag
7. Posh "door storage" (as in..."honey, look in that WalMart sack hanging on the back of the door")
8. Floor mats for the car
9. Lunch bags, though Chynna REFUSED to be seen with a WalMart sack at school - what's up with that?
10. Toothbrush holders on trips - keeps your toothbrush and your dirty underwear a very safe distance from each other
11. Great for picking up dog poo at the park - your dog only, of course
12. Makes a fantastic glove for mixing up hamburger meat with your hands (I'm a vegan, but I still have to make the occasional hamburger)
13. Great for tossing veggies in batter
14. After a ginormous blow-out in church, once I realized I had absolutely ZERO diapers in the car, I made a diaper out of an old t-shirt and....you guessed it! A WalMart sack!!! That's just pure genius!
15. Rub a bunch of sacks together to REALLY irritate my cousin, Jennifer. She's allergic to them, I think!

and....the one that started this whole idea.

16. Last night, in a desperate attempt to make Kevin a chocolate pie, I disassembled a WalMart sack and used it in lieu of wax paper to roll out the pie crust!

And that, my friends, is probably how fire was made? Talk about necessity being the mother of invention. Thank you for joining me in this blog adventure. You can unbuckle your seatbelts now. Feel free to move about the cabin!